My Writing Space

I wake in the morning to the sounds of the ocean crashing against a nearby shore line. The morning sun streaks through my blinds in long speckled stripes. , falling gently across my bed and face. With a long slow stretch, I smile and gently blink in the morning light.

            With a pleasant sigh, I get out of bed and stagger lazily toward the bath room. As I close the door and the shower begins to run, the sunlight reveals a second body moving slowly in the bed. A dark head just edged out of the crumpled sheets, leaving the face still buried.

            The shower runs and the body stirs. The shower turns of and I hear a soft thump and groaning sound as the body falls off the bed and lands in a pile of blankets on the floor. Laughing gently I rush over to the figure on the floor.

            "Honey, are you alright? You are the only one I know who falls out of a King size bed with no one else in it."

            Pulling away the blankets and brushing back locks of dark brown hair, I reveal a beautiful face. , feminine and young. Honey looks up though sleepy eyes and smiles sheepishly. She pushes me back and stands up. She looks down on me and yawns.

            "You kept me up too late... My turn to shower." And she saunters suggestively to the bathroom.

            I watch Honey walk away and smile to herself. I begin to pull the blankets back onto the bed, when a strong male voice sounds in the other room.

            "Breakfast Anyone?" He walks around the corner carrying a tray and wearing boxer briefs. The smell of breakfast fills the air. "Oh, so Honey is showering? She how she is... starting without me."

            A seductive smile plays across his lips and I feel my body respond to it. I return the smile, and grab a plate of the tray. I seat myself in corner. Not wanting to be too close to him just yet. It was a long night and I am famished. Perhaps after we have all eaten and regained our strength I will have the ability to resist the two of them.

            As if he read my thoughts, He smiles and walks past me. His hands gently playing across my shoulder blades. Sending Chills down my back and into the deepest parts of me. I giggle involuntarily, remembering last night. Then I slap his hand away teasingly. I return to my meal.

            The shower shuts off and Honey comes striding out of the bathroom, barely dried and still naked. She grabs a plate from the tray and sits next to me, watching her naked body besides me ignites last nights fire all over again. Again, he reads my mind and that seductive smile returns as he approaches. Gently touching just my shoulder, he stares deeply into my eyes. Once he has caught my gaze, He leans over Honey, eyes intently watching me, he kisses her neck.

            As the three of us begin to heat up all over again, a cold chill blows through the room. The curtains ruffle in a cold wind, outside the rain softly falls and the ocean breaks with every moan, accompanying every sigh of pleasure. The breaks crashing loader and loader as the storm rolls in on top of us. We cling to each other in our climax, listening to the thunder roll over the ocean. Watching the lightning reflect in each others eyes.

            With heavy sighs we release each other; I once again head toward the shower. I wash myself, enjoying the hot water flowing over my naked skin. The storm outside raising a new kind of hunger in the center of my being. My legs long to feel the tension of running through the storm and the sand. The shower is suddenly too warm.

            I shut it off and throw on some clothes. I walk out of the bathroom, my eyes trained on the bed. Honey and Jonathan are wrapped together, their breathing deepening, their voices trail off into the storm. I smile wryly and grab an extra towel. Throwing some stuff in my bag, I head out into the storm.

            I run the three blocks to the ocean. The storm is raging around me, bringing an excitement with it that has me giggling. I reach the sand and pause, just to feel the sand beneath my feet. I walk slowly toward the ocean, the rain drenching me. Lightning crackling above my head. Thunder rolling over head and through my body. My breath quickens with each crack of thunder.

            Finally I can hold back no longer. I cry out a long cry that is just sound, energy being released from my body as I begin to sprint through the rain. Down the beach, the soft sand flying behind me. The rain pelting me, I ran shouting at the top of my lungs. The energy of the storm flowing through me and combining with the energy of my body.

            The surf hits my feet as I release the pent up energy... My skin crawling inside itself. The heat searing through my flesh, creating it anew as it burns. Crackles of lightning flow from me, matching the chaotic rhythm of the storm. My hands form claws as I reach for the cool wet sand. Watching with familiar fascination, I watch the nails grow into claws, the hands shrink upon themselves.

I           feel a fierce growl grow in my throat... The thunder crashes with howl that screams from my being. My legs bunch beneath me; I run the length of the beach on all fours... The surf and rain drenching my coat, my fur collecting sand and water. I relish the mindlessness of it all. I run until I can run no more... The storm dying out with my own energy. I pant heavily, loving the sight of the moon over the ocean. The beauty of the sea when seen with wolfen eyes.

            Lazily I stretch, and begin to lope back to the house. wondering how long I was out. In the shadows, something moves. It is small and its eyes glisten in the street light. I feel the smile that becomes a snarl I feel the flash of fear surge through his small body, charging my very soul. My heart begins to beat with his... I felt the tension as his muscles bunch. The small calculations of his brain... Which direction, where is safety, move or stay? I snarl again, I low growl escaping, throwing my prey into action.

            He runs through a thicket towards the house. And I am after him. His fear sweet in my nose. I chase him half heartedly, toying with him, until I feel his fear reach its pinnacle. I lung for him. Jaws snapping him up, The taste of sweet blood running down my throat. The crunch of bones has me giggling. I roll in the remains of my impromptu lunch... Sighing, I stretch; I howl of triumph and victory, Silently I thank the mother for the hunt.

            Covered in sand and blood, I head back into the house. With great reluctance I return to my birth form. I feel the fur run off me like water. The night has left me dirty and tired; I stumble into the house, heading for the shower once more. I let the water run over my body till it runs clear. I smear myself with soap, barely awake to know I am doing it. I rinse myself and head to the bed... I do not even bother to dry myself.

            I barely throw myself on to the bed itself before passing out. The darkness pulls me beneath its silent waves. Crashing over my head and leaving me with a stillness and peace I often long for. I feel a smile creep across my face as I feel the arms of my lovers embrace me... And then I know nothing more for what feels like a very long time.

Sarrin sat at her computer, her screen blank as she stared out the window. Through the rain and hail she could see the dark figure leaning against the house across the street. He stood there staring through the darkness into her eyes. You couldn't tell there was a
storm breaking over his head. He just stood there looking at her.

Sarrin held her breathe at the site of him. Her pulse quickened and her hands trembled slightly. He had always had that effect on her. Her body clenched with a growing tension, as if she were unsure he was really there. Then everything seemed to happen at once. From across the street the figure gave just the briefest nod of his head. At the same time Sarrin let out the breathe she had been holding as her long time friend Aly came up beside her.

"Hey Sarrin, Are you going to have another smoke or do you want me to lock up?" Aly asked as she came up beside Sarrin.

"No, that's Okay Aly, I got it." Sarrin didn't bother looking across the street; she knew he was gone, faded into the darkness from which he came. She turned to Aly and touching her forehead gently said only one word. "Sleep." She caught Aly and led her to the couch
where she let her lie down and drift into that spell induced slumber.

Once Aly was securely asleep, Sarrin turned and absently pulled the Athame off her altar above the mantle. She went to check on all her guests, making sure they all slept soundly. She made her way upstairs and turned into the last bedroom in the hallway.

There slept her best friend and confidant. Beside the door, propped up against the wall, was a shiny new war hammer that she had bought Taliesin for Christmas. Quietly she picked up the hammer and strolled leisurely over to the bed. There, she gently stroked
his head as a small tear rolled down her cheek.

"Sarrin, Honey what's wrong?" Taliesin asked as he looked up at her sleepily.

"Nothing My love," Sarrin replied as she brought the hammer down in a quick and abrupt movement. "Nothing will ever be wrong again." She replied as the hammer made it's second stroke spreading blood and brain matter down the front of the dress that Sarrin wore.

She calmly walked back into the hallway. She turned down into the next room. There slept her husband and their girlfriend. Sarrin climbed onto the tall bed and stood straddling the sleeping pair. A cruel smile curved her lips as the hammer came crashing down from the left, splattering her husband’s brains across the face of their beloved girlfriend.

Glenna had time for one short and confused scream before the hammer glided back from the right and silenced her forever. Sarrin waked off the bed and back into the hall way progressing down the hall room by room.

Malachi slept in the room next to Taliesin. His pale skin almost glowed in the darkness that enveloped the room. Sarrin glided silently into the room. Pausing to look at her Malachi shortly before removing the railroad spikes from the pocket of her dress, silently
she gagged Malachi and began to drive the spikes through his body.

She left Malachi there and kissed his forehead gently. Sarrin strode out into the hallway and went into the children’s room. She stood for a moment in the door way, watching her children sleep. Quietly she walked over to where her 12 year old cousin slept and raised
her athame off her belt. She plunged the knife into his throat and twisted it. As Sarrin pulled the athame out, the child’s blood sprayed the room.

Quietly, she went to the other two sleeping children. She held them in her arms one by one, crying softly to herself as her children breathed their last breaths into the pillow she held over their faces. Kissing them both softly she put them back into their beds and
covered them up, leaving them to appear peaceful and still sleeping.

She walked down the stairs calmly. There she went through all her guest rooms one by one. She dispatched her guests and cleaned her house out.

Finally she came to the front room and her friend sleeping on the couch. She gently woke Aly up. She told her friend that it was too dark outside to go out alone. Aly agreed to smoke with Sarrin and headed drunkenly for the door. As Aly reached for the door, Sarrin embraced her from behind. The knife pulled slowly across her throat, leaving a spray pattern on the door. Sarrin stepped backwards allowing her friends to collapse on the floor. Turning in one swift motion Sarrin stabbed her friend in the chest leaving the
athame buried where it sat.

Sarrin let out a large sigh of relief, as if a large objective had been accomplished. Setting the War hammer down and dropping out of the dress she wore, Sarrin walked out the front door. Dressed in jeans and a T-shirt she had on under her dress, she locked the
door.

She turned to leave and walked into the arms of a dark figure. She held him close pressing her body to his. Donovan removed the hood of his cloak and stroked
Sarrin’s face.

"I have missed you Sarrin, My Love. Are you ready to join me now?" Donovan asked just before he laid his lips upon hers. Sarrin melted into his embrace, her eyes closing as she let all tension slide from her body.

"Yes my love, I am finished here. I am yours now and for always" Sarrin answered as she turned away from her house and into the arms of her dark lover.

Once upon a time... that is how the story is supposed to begin, right? Telling of the damsel in distress and the knight in shining armour come to rescue her? Well, it's a great story... Love conquers all and such

Rubbish! What happens next? HMM??

10 years ago, my biggest concern was angering my step-mother. I thought the extra chores were unfair. True, the woman was merely helpless, and those daughters of hers wouldn't know which end of the broom to push. I thought it was all so unfair.

Now, I have a castle full of young maidens whose parents look to me to keep pure. While they make cow-eyes at any knight who follows my "dear husband". I have a huge staff of servants who would rather be carousing and drinking then any of the daily chores. I have 2 sons and 3 daughters who are a lot like my step sisters. My children are so pampered they can barely dress themselves.

And what you may ask, happened to my "loving prince?" He has plenty of love to share with any passing serving wench. While I am too busy fighting of the wondering hands of his "loyal knights" to care where he spends his evenings.

After 10 years of running the kings castle, I long for the peaceful days at my step-mothers house. The quiet undisturbed sewing I got done in the garden. The early morning light that brought about the songs of the birds. Fixing breakfast for 4 women before feeding the 2 dozen or so animals instead of breakfast for 200 people and making sure the 500 head of cattle are taken care of.

I see the peasant women on the street in the market place. I know what they dream of when they gaze at my carriage. I see the longing in their eyes when they look towards my palace upon the hill. What I wouldn't

Trade them for their life. I would gladly exchange my "happily-ever-after" for their "run-of-the-mill".

There is a young woman in the market place. I talk to her frequently about her carefree days. She travels with the entertainers who sometimes perform for my family. She speaks with a passion I remember in my once young heart.

Her name is Jasmine, or at least that is what she calls herself. She refuses to call me Ella; she says it isn't my name. She tells me Lady will have to work until I chose a more suited name.

Her passion tells of long dusty roads and late night revels, of gypsy fires and dancing till dawn. Watching unfamiliar stars in lands I have heard of only in legends. Some days I sit and listen to her for hours.

She makes my heart beat wildly with the fire in her eyes... the passion in her voice. The touch of her hand upon my burns my skin in ways I haven't felt in years. Her untamable spirit calls to something that hides deep within me.

She often jokes about taking me away with her. She says she can see the road lying just behind my eyes. She makes just leaving the palace seem a great adventure. Telling of how panicked everyone would be, of the searches and quests that would be declared to find me. How, when I was never found the entire country would mourn for the loss of their queen.

Everytime I see her she asks me if I have decided to leave yet. And everyday I say not yet with a heavy sigh. It is almost autumn now, time for the harvests. Jasmine will spend the winter in a far away town. She tells me that I should come with her, that she could show me wonders I have never dreamt of. Everyday she tells me of a location to meet her at, where she waits from just before dawn till mid-morning.

Tonight I lay awake listening to my serving women giggle. They believe that I am asleep, like so many nights before. Together they talk about which of them my Lord prefers. Of course I am too old and worn out to be his first choice. But for the first time in years their giggled taunts do not bother me.

I lay awake almost trembling with anticipation. Beside the door is a bundle of everything that still matters to me. Come morning my serving women will awake to an empty room and a missing queen.

Jasmine will no longer wait down by the bake shop, for come sunrise she will find her Rosemary waiting to begin a new "happily ever after".

"I have been having the dream for about a month straight. The dream is always the same. A strange voice comes over the phone line. It is always a pay phone on a crowded street. The voice says to me...'I am coming to you my love. Call for me. My name is Jorrell MacNevin. If you call I will answer, But only to you' isn’t that a strange dream?" Sarrin asked as she relayed the dream to her friend Gerald.

It was about three am and they were the only two awake. On the bed in the other room lay her boyfriend Wayne. He slept soundly as usual. The only way to wake him usually is by shouting repeatedly in his face... or cold water to his face. But that was rude and the
third option always made him happy and left Sarrin smiling a lot more. Course being his girlfriend she didn't normally tell anyone else that there was a third option only that only she could wake him up.

"What happens after that?" Gerald asked intrigued by his friends story. He analyzed dreams, He felt they always had special meaning. Sarrin's re-occurring dreams usually stumped him. They were often bizarre and usually repeated often before dying out and never coming back. It didn't fit any pattern he was familiar with.

"The phone goes dead and a voice in the back of my head whispers soul mate as I wake up." Sarrin shrugged as if it were unimportant. "But don't ya think it is weird that it is always a payphone on a crowded street? Did I mention that I was the only one who
could hear the ringing?" She asked casually as she took a bite of the pizza they had ordered.

"No you didn't, Maybe you have someone looking for you. What did you say the name was again?" Gerald asked anxiously, He was a big believer in past lives and believed that he could place names from the past with their present counterparts.

"Jorrell MacNevin" Sarrin whispered after swallowing. From the other room Wayne sat up in his bed, groggily he walked into the living room and looked expectantly at Sarrin

"What did you want Honey?" Wayne asked tiredly. "I was sleeping. It's late ya know and I have to work tomorrow, early." He looked at her a little annoyed but still patiently. It was early in the relationship and he didn't want to mess things up with a late night
argument.

"I didn't call you I was telling Gerald about my dream."

"That pay phone thing?" He shrugged when she nodded. "I don't know what the big deal is...I call you from a pay phone all the time. I only answer your pages ya know. I am going to bed. I love you" He mumbled a little incoherently as he yawned and walked back into the bedroom.

Gerald and Sarrin stared at each other. Then back at the door that Wayne closed behind him.

"Look, ya found him." Gerald said with a surprised smirk on his face.

"Shut-up, That is so not true." Sarrin said disapprovingly as she smacked his arm.

"Let's test it. Come out side and have a cigarette with me. We will leave the screen door open... I'll say the name and then you say it and we will see if he answers and for who."

"Fine but only because I want a cigarette. I don't believe in soul mates ya know." Sarrin answered irritably as she grabbed her pack of cigarettes and shook one out.

She went outside still mumbling about Gerald’s hair-brained ideas as she lit up. "Fine you start." She said as she gestured towards the door. Gerald called the name softly through the doorway. They waited a few minutes. Then he called it a little louder. When there was no response, Gerald turned to Sarrin and told her to try.

"But," he told her "Say it quietly. I will bet you he answers to it and can hear it."

"Gerald, if he didn't hear you, he is not going to hear me whispering. But sure why not." Sarrin turned towards the door and softly called the name from her dreams. As they waited Sarrin started to say:

"See I told you this is ridiculous" As she finished her cigarette and started to open the door, the bedroom door flew open and Wayne yelled through it. "Stop calling me I am sleeping. I do not care what you are talking about I am not involved. Come to bed already, Damn it!"

"I'm sorry Wayne It was my fault. I got too loud." Gerald said calmly. " I will quiet down. I will send Breyllynn in to bed in a minute."

"Fine," Wayne said calmly, turning back to the bedroom. "But it was Sarrin I heard, good-night Gerald. See you in bed Sarrin."

Gerald turned back to Sarrin who stood in the door way un-believing. "Fine so he is Jorrell... That really doesn't prove anything. Good-night" Sarrin stated indignantly as she passed him and followed Wayne into the bedroom, closing the door on Gerald’s gently
laughter.

That was Thirteen years ago. I married Wayne/Jorrell shortly after that. In May 2003, we celebrated our tenth anniversary by renewing our vows and having our third child. He is my proof that love lives forever. He is my soul mate.

There are those who act as if personal emotions, dreams and aspirations are a sin against the greater good.  As if I am betraying friendships if I do not believe or feel the way they do. It is betrayal to show my emotions at all… and gods forbid I discuss them. Well, I am sorry that I cannot just shut off my emotions. I would if I could. Maybe then it would all go away and I would quit hurting again.  I would be at peace again. If the hurting went away then the anger would follow it. It always does.

I did that once. Shut it all down and walked away.  I settled where I am at now. When I met Him, I thought it would be okay to let him in.  I thought that I could finally let someone that close again. Then the memories came back.  Even then I thought I could control it. I thought I could keep a handle on it all. Then Sarrin came back.  And the memories deepened. I thought I could fish through it and suppress what I didn’t want. I used to be able to do that. I remember doing it, once a long time ago. When the pain began, I took the memories I wanted, and the rest didn’t matter.

Then she came back. And now it all just hurts again. She loves Him and He loves her, and Sarrin (I) gets in the way, which leaves me alone in the dark again. You’d think I would be used to that by now. I spent so much time there when I was younger.  But now it scares me. I know what lives in the darkness. I hear her song from my lips. I have sung it with joy into the faces of those who hurt me. The darkness used to comfort me. Hide me from pain and anguish.

But there is where hate and anger lives. It is the darkness that brought the Widow back out. In the darkness, violence whispers to me in voices of love and laughter that I can never share. There the Widow listens to my cries and answers them with the bloody screams of (my) her victims. She rocks me to sleep in bloody arms with dark lullabies. There the pain ebbs and the anger fades, until there is just the darkness. From there the Black Widow smiles from my emptiness.

From the darkness she strikes out with my arms, blood flowing down their bodies. Their severed heads lying at my feet while they scream. But their cries are cut short as The Black widow sings her dark lullaby.  Flashing steel is brought down at the peak of the notes emanating from my throat, turning the beautiful song into screams of fury and pain.  As the Black widows smiles through my lips and eyes.